Self Portrait, 2011
I can actually count the number of days that I slept earlier than midnight for nearly a year now, and there are not too many. Due to pages of readings, homework that needs to be done and classes that had been caught up with other task, I have sacrificed hours of sleep and imprisoned myself on the solitude of night. With all those books and presentation slides, the sound of the freight train passing near my apartment and the objective of getting them done, I found my solace.
The hardest thing to do when you are trying to study at home are the temptation of slacking and procrastinating - Part of that is staring blankly on something. You are physically tired and mentally exhausted that you just want to let yourself breath in peace. And then you will have all those thoughts that would not just make you think and imagine, but also affects you psychologically. Sometimes it would also impact how you act and think and how you would interpret every event that may occur around you.
Several of those are disgruntled thoughts derived from the previous one and from those that occurs constantly. Angered ideas such as "where to go to cry" or "who to talk to when this happens?" or "Will there be anyone out there that I can talk to about what I feel right now?" and few more. Apparently some of those thoughts are the impact of what have been happening in reality - what we are experiencing everyday. Talking about it with someone can only do so much, especially when you talk to a person who do not have any interest to what you are blabbering about; thus staring blankly on something such as a wall or writing something such as this blog really helps a lot. It is our thought that affects ourselves and only us can do something about it, nobody else will.